VITAPHOBIA.. Fear of Life

You know it is wrong but you don't say anything. You know there is a better way to do it, but you will still do what is told to you. You have a doubt, but you won't ask. You have answers but you won't give them. You are good but you don't want to accept it.. probably, you haven't met yourself yet.

You never raise your voice. You never stand up for a change. You never ask a question. You keep yourself bottled up inside... I am asking : WHY?

You are telling me : I am scared.

I ask : Scared of what?

You say : Scared of Life.

Scared of Life. Scared of change. Scared of public reactions.

But public reactions never paid your bills, they didn't pay you salary either. Then, why are you bothered who says what?

People come and people go.. and you can't be too sure of who is to stay or for how long. So, why depend on them. You are who you are - and there is a reason why you are an 'individual'. Understand. Accept. Respect.

Because if you don't respect yourself, how do you expect others to look up to you?

Don't clog your mind with unnecessary baggage. Set your own targets, be your own example, run your own race. Your competition is not with anybody, but with yourself. Life is, after all, a constant endeavour. How will you walk ahead if you are scared of Life, itself? The fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar.. but in the end, you CANNOT give in to the fear.

You are your own inhibition. You are your phobia. If there is anything that's pulling you down, that is stopping you, it is you - yourself. Nobody, but you and only you can break off all the chains. Rebel , rise  and conquer.

It’s strange how what drives us - may abandon us midstream, how what tickles our ears with lies one moment - may tell us truths that knock us on our emotional back  the next.
We strive and strain, bellow and believe, we learn, and everything we learn tells us the same thing: life is one great meaningful experience in a meaningless world. We live, heal and attempt to piece together a picture worth the price of our very lives.

The Walk..

It has been long since I've last blogged.. no excuses. But I suddenly came upon this note-to-self that I'd written about two and a half years back.. and I couldn't resist the urge to put it up..

(17.12.2012) :

Point 1: Some actor in some famous movie said, "Every man comes to this world alone and he leaves alone."

Point 2: Remember Wordsworth's quest for the Mystery of Life in 'Tintern Abbey'? The other day, my father was telling me the secret of Life. He told me that the only mission in this Life is to learn to live alone. It's the hardest and the only lesson you need to learn and master... because once you are content with living alone, nothing in this world can bring you loneliness. When you have people around you, good times.. but when you don't, it isn't as bad a time because you have learnt to be as content with yourself as with others. Inference : If Life is a road, you have to walk alone.

The lines don't hint any non-sense but the theory (or fantasy) that I've grown up with, for 18 years is totally contradictory to these theories!
I always knew that every man has a partner.. a friend who would never let go, a soul mate who is bonded to you for eternity, a companion who never leaves you alone.
And isn't that what every Taylor Swift song or Enrique number seconds?

I see my parents and like-couples.. happily married for years!! People from that era who actually know the meaning of '.. and lived happily ever after.", say that one must learn to walk alone.
And people from my epoch believe a partner is somebody who gives you a chocolate bar every day, a friend is somebody who you can cheat from during examinations, a soul mate is a person you can satisfy your 'desires' with and a companion could be anyone who would accompany you to the nearest shop! I live in an age where words have lost their meanings, their values and everything just seems to be superposed with a thick coat of dirt called 'modernity'!
People don't have 'time' for silly things like values, traditions, relationships or Love! Everyone seems so busy sorting out their lives.. but how can houses be built without bricks? How can lives be built without values?

And amidst that mob of 'busy, practical and logical people', there stands an eighteen year old girl who spends 20 hrs of her day, daydreaming!
No, not the typical dream of a Prince Charming on a white horse-types... But that someday, some person might come and make me feel that Life isn't just waking up every day and praying, first thing in the morning, that may this day pass soon! I dream that someday when I cry pointlessly just because I feel like, he'd hold me in his arms, let me cry for as long as I want to and whisper to me that it's okay to feel like crap sometimes. I dream that someday there'll really be someone beside me to cuddle up on cold, winter nights and it won't be a pillow! I dream that someday if it's another one of those sleepless night, he'd sit with me under the sky gazing at stars! I dream that whether Life turns out to be a hot and sultry day in a desert or a beautiful sunset in a beach, there will be someone holding my hand and walking 'with' me.. 'forever'.

In all these years, I've come a long way but then, I didn't walk alone. My parents always held my hand and guided me till it was time they let go off my hand.

So, for half a year now.. I've known what walking alone feels like and it isn't really a good feeling!
Every step I take, yearns for another foot to step beside me. But before that happens, I think I'll have to stop yearning and learn to enjoy walking alone. That is another tomorrow.
Today's reality sticks to the fact that I'm yet another traveller on the road to Life.. and I'm walking alone.