HER Story

It was sometime between that sultriness of July and the cool of August.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Tall, fair and handsome. Busy solving some mind-boggling calculus problem, as usual. A small fringe formed in between those thick brows and a pair of clever, bespectacled eyes focused on the spot where the tip of his pen touched the plane of the paper. His fingers were anxiously tapping the desk as he looked for the correct formula.  She wished he would look at her. At least just once. But only at her.
He was a heartthrob (and a heart-breaker). Everybody seemed to like him. But she loved him.
She knew she didn't stand a chance, but who knew... maybe this really was HER STORY?!

So she, intentionally, dropped her keys at his feet. "Oops!” she said, making it look accidental! He quickly bent down and picked the keys. He looked at her, only at her, smiled and stretched his arm towards her... the keys on the palm of his hand. She stretched her fingers nervously, not breaking the eye-lock for one second. Everything felt like in slow-motion. And then, Magic happened. As her fingers touched the metal of her keys, she could feel his fingers closing on hers... and then, everything stopped - the nerve impulse reaching her brain, the blood pumping out of her heart, the pulse at her wrist. Everything, except time.

"Good Morning, students! Please take your seats quickly", the teacher bellowed, her booming voice breaking the Magic of the moment.

That’s where HER STORY began. This was one Magic, there were thousands more to come.
She did not know it then, but life felt happier and prettier, since that moment.

She would follow him to the football ground every morning and watch him play. He would make chits and throw at her during tests. She would purposely talk loudly to her friends so that he would hear what she was saying. He would always take her side every time the teacher scolded her for being talkative. She would steal glances at him every day. He would sometimes stare at her.
She loved him. He probably knew that.
He probably liked her. Somebody told her that she was his first crush.
Life felt like a fairy-tale.

It was raining, one day. Their classes had just got over.
Students filed themselves in queues to leave the school premises.
She stood in the corridor that overlooked the school lawn and watched the raindrops fall to the ground.
Suddenly she was pushed. She turned around to see what was happening and realized there was some commotion in the boys' queue. It soon settled down and he was standing right next to her.
She suppressed a glee.
He looked at her and smiled. This time, she smiled back.
They stood there smiling all by themselves until it was time to move ahead. The boy's line seemed to move faster. As soon as he moved, almost like a reflex, she turned towards the rain, stretched her hand out and gathered as many raindrops as she could and called out to him. He turned. Splash!
Surprised, he looked at her wide-eyed. And then he smiled. That same smile that made all the other students vanish from view. She grinned back. But within, she wondered if her playfulness was taken for silly or childish behavior. He was a mysterious boy. His face never really revealed anything.
Pushing the thought aside, she moved ahead with her line.

With time, their friendship grew. He was shy with girls, and sometimes rude. But he was always so nice to her, kind and polite and loving. He made her feel so special. She wondered if she really was his princess. She thought of Cinderella and her Prince Charming and built so many castles in the air, sometimes wondering if those castles really existed. She couldn't help smiling all day!

Two years and a little more had passed... nothing really happening beyond those stares and chit-chats. She still found Magic in them. He had become more serious about his studies now. She wasn't sure if he still believed in that Magic, or if he ever did. But her doubts never shook her faith.

They were in the Chemistry Laboratory, practicing before their final examinations. She chose her counter exactly behind him, so if he would turn, hers would be the first face he saw.
As the minutes dragged on, she forgot about him momentarily and concentrated on the boiling fluid in her test-tube. She had just placed the tube in its stand when she heard him.

"Hey, would you have conc. HCl at your counter, by any chance?"

She turned around to confirm if the question was directed at her. He stood there, hardly a foot away... his face beaming in the sunlight, the light on his spectacles making it difficult for her to see his eyes.

"Hello?” he said, bringing her out of her dreams.

"Y-yes, it’s on the top shelf, there", she said, elated like a star-struck kid.  She quickly turned her back to him and pretended to go back to work. Seconds later, she could feel him behind her... his hands stretched to the top shelf to fetch the bottle of acid. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her cheeks. She almost fainted with ecstasy but he came to her side now, so she regained her composure! She couldn't help staring at him as he poured the acid from her bottle to his... she was looking at him, as if memorising his features... the dark brows, the intense eyes, the perfect nose..
Her eyes suddenly left his face, as if on a hunch, to look down at the Bunsen flame. The hem of his lab coat was almost on fire, as he was shutting the lid of the acid bottle. She let out a silent scream and quickly put her hand below his and pushed it out of the flame. In the process, she had put her palm into the flame and now it was burning terribly. He saw the blackish red burn on her hand.

"Fool!" he exclaimed and took her hand under the running water from the nearest tap.
Time froze. She couldn't feel the pain of the burn anymore. She couldn't see the scar anymore. What she saw was Magic, again. He held her hand in his, and the running water seemed to seal their hands together. Breaking her fantasy again was a voice... this time his.
"Thanks!" he said. She turned just in time to see that smile that swept her off her feet.

Another two years had passed. 

They were in different streams, he had taken Mathematics, and she, Biology. Conversations had become limited. Very rare. No matter how restless she grew to hear his voice, she could never come up with a sensible excuse to call him up.

Her new house was beautiful, what added to the beauty was the fact that she could see his terrace from hers. That is exactly what she did on most evenings... stood on the terrace and watched his house at the distance, her eyes alert for any kind of movement they could register!

She would scribble his name on the pages of her notebooks and then hide them beautifully with intricate designs all around it.  She would dream of him, almost every night... most of those dreams ending in a romantic dance in a green room lit by yellow tiny lights and decorated with hanging mistletoe. She still had the happily-ever-after dreams about him.
She edited his photographs, cropped them, photo-shopped them, framed them in virtual hearts... did everything she could to make them look 'together'.

They were in the twelfth grade.
The pressure of studies, the burden of Board examinations, the confusion over career choices... everything was weighing them down simultaneously.
There was hardly any time to breathe and Magic had probably disappeared somewhere between those pages in the fat books, or in the hollows of lost pen-caps or in the dissolving sugar of the late-night coffee.

Or so they thought.

The bell rang for the lunch break. Little kids rushed out of their classrooms, running from everywhere to everywhere with their colorful tiffin boxes. She was in the Biology laboratory, dissecting a flower. She hadn't finished so she let the others leave and said she would join them shortly.
She patiently sat back on her chair and continued the dissection.
When she was satisfied with what she saw under the microscope, she was about to leave.
She stacked the three fat books, one on top of the other, and carefully worked her way out of the laboratory. The books were heavy and the stack was high enough to partially obstruct her vision ahead. The crazy children running about made it even more challenging for her to reach her classroom safely, which was on the upper floor.
She walked very carefully to the stairs, balancing the books and making sure not to bump into anyone. When she reached the flight of stairs, she was taking the left side to climb but a couple of young kids ran down at the same time, so she had to remain on the right. Hardly had she taken a step up, when she bumped into someone and the balance felt so fragile as if the books would just fall off her hand. She didn't even see who it was because her attention remained on The Leaning Tower of Books! It was only when two hands touched hers to stabilize the stack and make it upright again, that she looked up at HIM.
The crease of her brow disappeared into a shy smile playing on her lips.
This was a surprise. This was Magic.
His hands still hadn't left hers, and she wished they never would. But before she could finish her wish, he moved back. Concerned, he asked.. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, Thank You!"
"That's okay. Where are you coming from?"
"Laboratory."

She was happy he was talking so much. This was happening after a long long time.
"Laboratory? Now?"
"Yes…"
"Did you have your tiffin or were you stuck with that microscope all this time?"
She shrugged... (She was exploding with delight, inside!)
"There are only five minutes left for the interval to get over."
"Yes, I know. I was just going."
"Then go fast and have your tiffin first."
"Sure. Bye."
"And listen?" She would almost faint... he was stopping her?
"Don't study so much if you don't want to get spectacles soon!"
"Yeah, right!” she smiled.
"Bye!"
"Bye!"
And she walked to her classroom, beaming.
Magic!!!

Time had frozen enough, and now, it was practically flying.
It was their Farewell.
The girls had to be clad in saris and the boys, formal suits.
All she had on her mind was to look her best because this would be where her flight would land before she took off to newer skies. She felt special because she thought that this end here is the door to a new beginning somewhere else. Little did she know that a final Magic was awaiting her.
She reached the venue and looked around. She saw girls dolled up in red, blue, green, pink and black. "Thank God, no one wore white!" she murmured to herself, as she got down the auto-rickshaw. Her stone-studded sari dazzled in the bright sunshine. She felt so happy. She lifted the hem of her sari slightly and was about to enter the main entrance with her friends, when she heard the boys coming. She turned. Everybody looked so smart and mature in those black and navy-blue suits. Just then, her eyes caught something (rather, someone!). She found herself staring at the only gentleman who wore a white suit. It was the same shade of white that she was wearing.
The catcalls from her girlfriends made her realize that she was staring so hard that her eyes would pop out of their sockets. She was stunned by the co-incidence.
Out of all the ceremonies that followed, the one that stood out was the photo-session.
People were photographed in all was possible. Solo, dancing, funny face, serious face, background picture, groups, best friends, couples...
Since they had both worn white and people thought it was pre-planned, they were pushed to the centre for photography. They shied away, first, and then came together. He stood beside her. Her hands were to her sides and then, accidentally, his fingers brushed past hers. She turned red like a tomato and quickly pulled her hand in front. So did he. But the moment gave them both a natural smile. The skin of her elbow was touching the fabric of his coat. How she wished that time had frozen again, this time forever!
That moment... friends calling them names, teasing them with "Perfect couple!", "Made for each other!" and stuff like that. The voices and the flash of cameras.. and the feel of HIM, right next to her... she felt that they belonged to one another.
She felt the Magic.

School was over. Soon, they would move to college and begin a new story.
It was tough for her. She wasn't just leaving school and her friends behind, she was leaving the town as well. Her parents were to shift elsewhere and there was little chance of coming back to the town that she grew up in. Her world was crumbling every single day in front of her and she watched the pieces fall apart, helplessly. She pretended to be strong and ready for that new life. She acted like she was fine. She had had her good-byes and she was excited for the new hello-s.
But that was pretense. Inside, she was shattering.
By now, she had been sure that HER story was only hers. He was not interested in her. She was a friend to him who didn't matter much. She knew she would probably never see him again, all her life. So she thought that if this has to end here, this has to end well. After an intense war between her mind and her heart, she decided that she would tell him. Tell him about those dreams, those fantasies, those scribbles, that magic.
When she saw him that day, for what might be the last time, she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She watched him talk with his friends, laugh over something. She was memorizing him again. And then, he hit the ignition of his bike and drove past her.
He didn't look at her even once.
She kept on looking his way till the tail-lights of his bike went out of sight.
That was the last time she saw him.

Her friends would tell her that she was being stupid. She believed she was just being romantic.
They would tell her she was hopelessly in love. She believed she was holding on to her love.
She would reopen her diaries and read those incidents, reliving every Magic moment through those words.
She saved those crumpled chits that he threw at her during tests. She would look at his hand-writing, taking note of every curve of 'a' or the cut of 't'. She had his photograph in her cellphone, in her laptop, in her dairy, in her heart. She would dream of meeting him, sometime in the future, when they would both be prettier and smarter, and Magic would happen again. Somehow things would work out and it would actually be a fairy tale.
Sometimes the practical side of her took over the dreamy side, and she would wonder what all this will lead to. She wondered why she was so much in love with a boy who may not even remember her name after a few years.
In reality, her practical mind and dreamy heart were in constant battle and she swayed from here to there like a leaf in a tornado.

The girl and the boy, both moved to college.
She started missing him, badly.  She would cry herself to bed every night. She would listen to sad songs all day and picture them, moving apart from each other with every beat of the song.
One evening, she was looking at the setting sun from her window and memories came flooding before her eyes. But something inside triggered and she dialled his number on her cell-phone.
She had decided that she can't go on like this. This has to come to the bend which would decide her road ahead.
"Hello?" How she longed to hear his voice!
"Hey, it's me." Her voice was shaking.
"Hey, how are you? How's college going?"
"I'm fine. Everything is fine.
  And you?"
"Same as you.. all's fine."
Silence.
"Hello?" He checked if the line went dead.
"I'm here..."
"Say something, then. "
"Umm.. I had to tell you something, actually, but I can't really find words.."
"Really? Tell me. What is it?"

Her fingers were shaking vigorously. Her face had gone pale. She was cold. It was taking her every ounce of courage to tell him what she had written in her dairy for years, to tell him what she had told him so many times in her dreams, to tell him that she loved him.

"Umm.. I know that a lot of girls have told this to you before, and you might never talk to me after this... but... "
"Go on, I'm listening.."
"I just wanted to tell you that.. I like you!"

The last three words weren't exactly the ones she had wanted to say but they came out with the speed of lightning! A part of her relaxed a little because she had done her part. But another part was scared to death about the reaction at the other end of the phone!

There was silence... so she thought she must elaborate. She murmured to him, something about those dreams and the dairy pages. With every word she spoke, she felt like she was crossing her boundaries more and more. So she stopped, waiting for a response.

He finally spoke. "Okay."
"Hunh?" she was shocked with the insensitivity of the response.
"I said 'It's okay' "!
"And that's it? That's all you have to say?"
"What do you want me to say? I don't know how else to react!"

Silence again.
She couldn't believe what just happened.
She had mustered all the courage and guts she could, to tell him how much he mattered to her.
She had blurred her limits and silenced her conscience, for this one conversation.
She had done everything that she had never imagined in her wildest of dreams.

And he said,  "It's okay"??
"You've got to be kidding me, dude!
It's not 'okay'"... her heart was screaming to him.
Her conscience was mocking at her... "See, I told you not to do it?  This is what happens when you don't listen to me."

She stood by the window... staring at the darkness in the sky, the same spot where she saw the setting sun just minutes back. She stood there, numb.

"Hello?" his voice brought her back to the conversation.
"Bye", she said in a low voice. She couldn't talk more because she knew that she would break down any moment now.
"Bye?"
"I don't know what else to say. Bye."
"Bye."

As she hit the 'End Call' button on her cell-phone, she saw her world crashing down right in front of her. She cried inconsolably.
Later in the night, she wrote in her diary…
"Now I know why I couldn't say anything that day. Because it wasn't supposed to end there.
It was supposed to end today. Like this."

Another year has passed, now.
It has been five years since that first Magic.

She still thinks of him.
He is too busy topping his college.

She still dreams of that green room with the yellow lights and mistletoes and that romantic dance.
He studies late in the night and by the time, he shuts his eyes.. all he has in mind is alpha, beta, gamma and theta.

She still scribbles his name on her pages.
He is still focused on the point where the tip of his pen touches the plane of the paper.

She still browses through his photographs and videos.
He turns on his laptop only for Counter Strike and DOTA.

She still wishes him , first, on his birthday.
He never remembers her birthday.

She still finds it very difficult to forget him.
He remembers her like a distant memory.

She still calls him or texts him occasionally.
He never calls her himself.

She still loves him.
He never held her that important.

She is still waiting for him.
He had moved on long back.

She still believes in Magic.
He never believed in Magic.